Chapter 3 - Literature

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Your Lover, Untitled as of Yet

Often times I sit and ponder. I wonder about tomorrow and if it will ever come, and what if it doesn't, have I said and done everything I've ever wanted? The answer is always "no." It is a self-defeating thought, as I know that I will never be able to do everything, but I'll try.

Nights such as this I fear death. I fear tomorrow may never come and that there is so much I'll never say. Perhaps this is the greatest tragedy to ever plague mankind, perhaps it is not but either way I cannot say "I love you" enough times and you cannot understand it enough to ease my mind. Maybe you never will understand and maybe it is because I'll never understand the incredible feeling I get when I hear your voice break in the morning, when I see your face with fresh eyes and when I kiss you goodnight in the hope that I can do it all over again the next day.

Days feel like seconds, hours like a breeze, eternity truly is a moment and I will cherish this brief flash forever as my last breath.

I once wrote, "Love is a moment that we try to turn into a forever." It isn't true, love is a forever that lasts but a minute and each year is a second and you and I only have a moment and I want you to know that tonight is the greatest hour. The moment upon us will never be forgotten but never will it be relived.

When I look into your honest brown eyes and defeat lays hidden under the decayed love I begin to question everything you've ever said, not because I do not trust you, but because I question everything that I have ever said. All of these words that I have written her I will question and maybe never understand them fully, but they will have all been said and life never forgets and time never remembers us when we've lost track and faded into the "Us."


	~ ~ *Your Lover, Untitled as of Yet* Often times I sit and ponder. I wonder about tomorrow and if it will ever come, and what if it doesn't, have I said and done everything I've ever wanted? The answer is always "no." It is a self-defeating thought, as I know that I will never be able to do everything, but I'll try. Nights such as this I fear death. I fear tomorrow may never come and that there is so much I'll never say. Perhaps this is the greatest tragedy to ever plague mankind, perhaps it is not but either way I cannot say "I love you" enough times and you cannot understand it enough to ease my mind. Maybe you never will understand and maybe it is because I'll never understand the incredible feeling I get when I hear your voice break in the morning, when I see your face with fresh eyes and when I kiss you goodnight in the hope that I can do it all over again the next day. Days feel like seconds, hours like a breeze, eternity truly is a moment and I will cherish this brief flash forever as my last breath. I once wrote, "Love is a moment that we try to turn into a forever." It isn't true, love is a forever that lasts but a minute and each year is a second and you and I only have a moment and I want you to know that tonight is the greatest hour. The moment upon us will never be forgotten but never will it be relived. When I look into your honest brown eyes and defeat lays hidden under the decayed love I begin to question everything you've ever said, not because I do not trust you, but because I question everything that I have ever said. All of these words that I have written her I will question and maybe never understand them fully, but they will have all been said and life never forgets and time never remembers us when we've lost track and faded into the "Us." 7	~ ~ Tonight I looked at the sky and tonight I saw everything that is beyond anything you and I will ever do. Tonight all of the questions will be answered. Tomorrow's a scar that shall never be reborn into a memory that will plague the heart of man. I never kissed anyone before you. I never touched anyone before you. I never cried tears of gold before you and if the world is to end tomorrow I will die with your smile in my mind, for your smile has brought life to me. I feel like I've died and gone. I cannot tell you what it looks like or how it feels, but I've died and gone and tomorrow I will be born again on Christmas day and in your arms I will lie like a new born baby into perfect harmony and you and I shall forget the perpetual scar of hazed memories that linger in the back of our ancient brains and be born again into this world that awaits us. We're ready. Signed, Your Lover, untitled as of yet. Post Script: Tomorrow is upon us and it is today that we begin to begin and begin again. Last night I dreamt about love and I woke up and thought about love and I laid in bed thinking about love and you and how I love you and how I want to kiss you twice for every tear you've ever shed and hold you tight and tell you that everything will be alright; I know it will. I love you to the power of two and beyond. Kevin Loxley December 2000 next page 8